A River To Skate Away On
by Thatemilykid
Summary: Right before christmas, Myka screws up, big time. Now she has to figure out how to fix it. Sorry it's slightly xmassy but it's winter, and freaking cold here. ;
1. Chapter 1

**For Crazycat9449 and for Tm02/Tm200 because they helped me so much. Love you guys.  
It's not exactly a song fic, but I had 'River' by Joni Mitchell stuck in my head, and then I was listening to 'keep on loving you' by REO speedwagon and 'Porcelain' by Moby while I was writing... and this is what came from that, so enjoy.  
**

Everyone was in the living room at the B&B helping decorate the tree, even Artie was helping while he waited for his cookies to bake. Everyone, except Helena, and Myka knew that that was her fault.  
Myka herself was rugged up to the nines, sitting on the back porch trying to read. She couldn't concentrate though, she had read and re-read the same passage at least eight times and it wasn't going in. She couldn't focus. She was so, so angry with herself. She felt terrible. No, she felt worse than terrible. She had somehow managed to do the one thing that she had explicitly promised to never do.

She had hurt Helena.

She had regretted the words as soon as they had left her mouth. She had seen Helena's face fall, the fire in her eyes extinguish and the twist in her bottom lip as she willed herself not to cry. Myka hadn't even meant it the way that Helena took it, but a part of knew that Helena was going to take it that way and she still said it.

They had been arguing about telling the others about them. Myka didn't want to fight anymore, she wanted some alone time to think about it and make her decision without Helena's input, just for a little while. So when Helena had asked her, 'Do you not want me here Myka?' Myka had replied, "No." Myka had actually meant 'No, I don't want you in the room right now'. But Helena, being Helena had taken it as 'No, I don't want you at all. Please leave." And that is what she had done.

Helena had walked out of their bedroom, out of the B&B, gotten into her car and driven away. She had left her cell phone on the kitchen table, and hadn't taken her Farnsworth. Myka felt a little swell of relief when they discovered that she had taken her Tesla with her, 'well, at least she'll be protected' Myka thought. It wasn't until later on that evening that Myka started to worry, Helena had been gone for almost seven hours. She hadn't made contact with anyone, and they couldn't contact her. Claudia probably could find her car if Myka asked, but Claudia was so excited about the decorations, she didn't want to ruin her fun. In the background, Myka could hear Joni Mitchell's voice floating through the air. She made out the line 'I made my baby cry,' and nearly lost herself to the tears that had been threatening her eyes all afternoon. She had made Helena cry. She had made Helena leave. She had - Myka was brought out of her reverie by Claudia's voice,

"Hey Myka, you okay?" Myka looked up at her, shrugged and nodded

"Do you want me to find the car?" Claudia asked, and Myka was unsurprised that Claudia seemed to know exactly what Myka wanted. She was really very perceptive; there was a reason that she would someday be the caretaker.

"Can you?" Claudia raised her eyebrows and forced the laugh back down her throat, "Fine. Will you?" Myka asked getting up

Claudia was already on her laptop by the time Myka got in the house. Myka sat in the chair beside her just as Claudia threw her arms up in the air,

"Found it! She's...she's at the motel, on the main road." Claudia's voice got smaller as she realised that HG hadn't been planning on coming back. She looked at Myka who had somehow curled her shoulders in on herself, trying to make herself as small as she felt. Claudia caught her eyes, and she closed them. Claudia pushed a small piece of paper into her hand and whispered, "Call her." before she left the room.

Myka pulled her phone from her pocket. She dialled the number on the paper in her hand and waited for someone to answer. When they finally did, she had to cough to make her voice audible,

"Hi, uh, I'm just wondering if someone's checked in, are you able to tell me that?" Myka asked getting up out of the chair.

"Gonna need a name." Said the man on the other end

"Oh. Right." Myka said, "It's...Emily Lake?" Myka knew that Helena wouldn't use her real name, and she had since the incident, been using that as her alias. Myka hated it, Helena seemed to think it was funny, since technically, for a while at least, she had actually been Emily.

"Yeah, she's here. She's asked for no phone calls though." The man said gruffly.

Myka sighed. Of course she had. Shutting herself off from them. From her.

"Can I leave a message?" The man made an agreeable noise, so she continued "Can you just let her know that Myka called, and that I'll have my phone with me if she wants to call me?"

"No problem, Myka."

"Thanks. Bye." Myka hung up and slumped back down into the chair.

She had really, really screwed up.


	2. Chapter 2

**I might have been listening to 'Need You Now' by Lady Antebellum whilst writing this...maybe.**

"Well, look, at least we know where she is, and I mean, she's HG Wells, like you said Mykes, if she wanted to hurt someone, they'd be lying in a pool of their own blood before they knew what was going on." Pete was saying while stuffing his face.

Myka twirled the fork in her hand and mumbled agreeably. She knew Helena would be fine, that she could take care of herself. That wasn't what she was worried about. She was worried about Helena just not coming back.

The phone rang and Myka was across the room with it in her hand before anyone else had moved.

"Helena?"

"Hello Myka."

"Oh thank god, are you alright? Are you coming home? I'm sorry, that's not what I meant, I meant-"

"Is Claudia there?" Myka stopped and her face fell. She bit her bottom lip hard as she felt it tremble.

"Yeah, hang on a sec." She motioned to Claudia and handed her the phone.

"Hey, HG?" Claudia took the phone and mouthed 'sorry' at Myka before Myka turned and walked slowly up the stairs. Helena didn't even want to talk to her. This was really, really bad.

Claudia knocked her bedroom door a few minutes later, she didn't bother to wait for an invitation, she just slipped inside closing the door behind her.

Myka looked up at her. She was lying crossways on her bed, the tear tracks were still marked on her face.

"She said...um, do you wanna know what she said?" Claudia asked. She didn't want to make Myka talk if she didn't want to. God knows she hated it when people – Artie, Pete, Myka, Leena, Mrs. Frederic – did that to her.

"Tell me."

"She said she's not coming back tonight. That she's okay. Well, safe at least. She's sorry she didn't take her phone, she didn't mean for anyone to worry or make a fuss." At that Myka laughed, she could hear her saying it in her head

"Did she say when she'd be back?" Myka asked sitting up properly

"No." Claudia said, "But she said not to worry about her and...She asked me to keep an eye on you. That's a good sign right?"

Myka gave a weak laugh and nodded. Claudia smiled at her and left the room, Myka lay back down.

It was late. Helena knew it was late, she could barely see anything out of the motel window, even with the glow from the streetlamps in the car park. She was sitting in the chair fiddling with the paper in her hand. The message that Myka had left. Helena knew she was sorry, she also knew that Myka had probably not meant that she didn't want her, but...there was a part of her that still held insecurities about Myka's trust in her. She hated allowing that part of her any attention at all, but tonight it was right at the forefront of her mind.

She had picked up and put down the phone several times. She knew Myka's cell phone number off by heart, she could dial and Myka would answer, and they could talk and she could go home and fall asleep wrapped up in the woman she loved.

She loved Myka. She loved Myka and she didn't care who else knew. Myka though, Myka seemed to be a little more hesitant towards their relationship being out in the open. Helena suspected that Claudia knew, and that Pete even had an inkling that it wasn't merely a 'close friendship'. She would happily incur Artie's wrath if it meant being able to hold Myka while they watched television, and kiss her before one of them left on a mission without having to be hidden away. She read the message again,

_Emily lake,_

_Micha called, she's got her phone with her_

Helena wished that she had a pen, so that she could cross out and properly spell 'Myka'

She picked up the phone again and dialled. As it rang she forced herself not to hang up. She needed to hear Myka's voice.

"Helena?" Myka's voice wasn't quite as panicked as it had been the last time she had answered the phone. No, this time she was quieter, relieved, there was no trace of anger in her voice.

"Yes Myka." Myka sighed into the phone and Helena smiled, she could picture the look on Myka's face perfectly. The smile that always graced her face when Helena said her name, and the tired but happy calm that would've settled in her eyes.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry I didn't mean I didn't want you at all and-"

"Myka, breathe." She did as she was told.

"You know that I didn't mean that I don't want you, right?"

"Yes. I...I think I always did, I just over reacted a little."

"I should've thought before I spoke." Myka countered.

"That too." Helena agreed, she wasn't going to completely let Myka off the hook.

"Come home?" Myka asked in a small voice

"I will. But not tonight." Helena heard Myka's sigh on the other end, "Were you asleep?"

"No. I can't."

"Go to sleep, Myka." Helena said softly,

"Talk to me first?"

"Myka I don't want to do this over the telephone,"

"No, not...just talk to me? About anything. I...I feel better when I can hear your voice...safer." Myka's voice got quieter and quieter as she spoke.

Helena's heart melted. No matter how angry or upset she had been with Myka before, all she felt now was love. Her own for Myka, and Myka's for her.

"Alright, how about I read you a bedtime story?" Helena asked, allowing herself a small throwback from when Christina was alive.

"Yes please."

"To begin with there was a woman..."


End file.
